


Amusement Park

by castiel_hey_assbutt



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Burning, Cheating, Cutting, F/M, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 04:09:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2053008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castiel_hey_assbutt/pseuds/castiel_hey_assbutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi Rivalle is an orphaned collage student whose life revolves around Twizzlers and his local amusement park. He's been alone except for a small group of friends for his whole life. That is until Eren Jaeger worms his way into his life and changes Levi into someone he never thought he could be. <br/>A fic not even about college at all but more about the amusement park and all these dorks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so I deeply apologize in advanced for how bad this may be.

I have two things that really infuriate me.

Everyone asks me what it's like to hate myself like it's such a simple question. They say it with the most damn innocent look on their innocent faces and you can't help but realize how stupid and unknowing a large part of the world is.

They ask why I cut my wrists, why I've burnt myself. Nothing infuriates me more. What kind of answer do they really expect me to give them? "Because I'm sad. Because I'm a fuckup. Because every good part of my life has been torn away from me. I don't know, why the hell do you think?"

But that's only one part of these measly existence that infuriates me.

Honestly what good are we? We are all people rushing towards some sort of unknown goal, focused on material objects and gaining things that we will only lose in the end. We long to make an impact but none of us really do. The sheer materiality of this world drives me mad.

There were a few good things in the world though. Like Twizzlers. Man I fucking love Twizzlers. Not licorice though, licorice is like The Black Plague. Original strawberry flavored Twizzlers, now that's the shit. Especially those really long ones, you get the bulk package, grab a scary movie, sit on your couch and dangle them into your mouth while laughing at how expertly stupid everyone is in the movie you're watching.

There was that, and my local amusement park. You see, I live in the middle of fucking no where. So the amusement park is rather small, but despite that all my fellow small town people come out day after day to pack themselves onto the wooden roller coasters that could probably collapse at any second, to eat horrible park food, to scream your head off, and then to relax on the Ferris wheel that makes you want to puke and feel like your going to tip off at any second.

Knoebles Amusement Park, largest free admissions park. Meaning you could get in for free, you just had to pay for the tickets to get on rides, which honestly weren't that expensive. Especially if you were me and just hoarded all of your tickets in the bottom drawer of your bathroom vanity.

That park kept me sane, whether I decided to go with friends or simply by myself I could live there. For some reason the bustle of the people reminded me that I wasn't alone, and being submerged in the screams of the children next to you, the way the girl you just met clings so tightly onto your arm and tells you that she's scared even though there's no way for you to possibly even want to protect her if the ride magically breaks.

Mostly, I went there so I could feel like I was flying. Each lift of my body into the air, the wind streaking through my hair, caressing my skin in its deadly yet loving way. Flying made me feel free, I couldn't count how often I wished that I could sprout wings and soar away, that I could transform into a bird and simply live with the sensation of air beneath my wings. That I could have ultimate freedom. Sadly, the closest I got were the rides that hurled me through the air and gave me momentary relief.

But at the end of the day, id go home, and the sadness would start to kick in. Because I wasn't free, and it still hurt, and it would always hurt. And I'd remember why exactly everyone in my life had left me, and why I was so alone. And this dark cloud would hand over me and suddenly there would be a cool blade pressed against my skin and the droplets of crimson blood would trail slowly down my skin.

Then the next morning I'd wake up, realize it was no longer the weekend, and that I had to actually drag my ass out of bed and attend the local college. And then id start counting down the days until I could find my freedom again, and so the cycle continued.

I went to my local college, where unfortunately a bunch of rich and stuck up brats attended merely to flaunt the latest fashion that would make everyone "oh so envious."

I only went there because my parents dying wish was that their fuckton of money went towards my education and towards keeping my small house, electric, interest and cable, and food. Their account manager or whatever he was dosed me out money like an allowance which he called my "free lancing" money.

This money was usually only spent on amusement park tickets, new clothes, tattoos, and piercings. I had a phone, I had a TV, that funding was being taken care of. So I got to do whatever I wanted with this money.

And currently about three dollars of said money was being spent to buy me my daily coffee that would get me through my morning art classes. Don't get me wrong, I loved being an art major, I loved creating and being praised for what I could do. But waking up this early was not something I was too fond of. But hey, if my deceased parents were paying for it, then why not. I wasn't running out of money anytime soon. And to think, all those rich snotty brats thought I was poor, no, I was just running on a fucking allowance. And I had a better sense of fashion than whatever the shit they were wearing was.

My bag was slung across my body, swinging and smacking against my thigh as I walked slowly from the shop, the autumn air crisp as goose flesh raised on my arms even through the long sleeved gray shirt I wore. I was going to have to start wearing a coat soon.

Sighing, I began the short trek to Building A, Room 265c, Morning Painting Advanced class. Joyous.

"Levi! Oh Levi!"

I didn't even bother to pause and wait for the voice to catch up to me, I knew she would sprint until she was walking next to me anyways. Hanji Zoe, third year science major, with an art minor who had somehow wormed her way not only into my class, but into my very tiny and restricted circle of friends. This was mainly because she had complimented my art so many times so I had finally noticed her.

And once I started talking we found out that we shared the same music tastes and we both frequented my favorite amusement park. So we naturally became friends even if I constantly insulted her and she never shut up and loved science, which I absolutely hated. I wanted the world to be magical, I wanted it to be mysterious.

"Hanji I honestly could not give any shits about how 'if the earth were moved just a fraction of an inch that all life would end. And that it's a blessing we were placed right here to live-'"

At the exact moment I was ranting like an angry school child, I slammed into a body, my shoulder catapulting backwards with the force of whoever the hell had been booking it past me. I glanced at them with a deadly glare, shaking my head as I barely gave the staring boy a second thought before stalking off like a panther.

"H-hey, Mister! Mister, wait!"

I heard the voice shouting after me. I merely kept walking, tossing my head back a fraction of an inch to shout back.

"Next time watch where you're walking, shitty brat."


	2. Chapter 2

"Hanji fucking Zoë you are lying to me, it is physically impossible for a person not to fucking adore ACDC."

My classes today had passed fairly easily, and Hanji and I were having our daily meet up at the end of the day when we'd get another coffee and head to my house. We had gotten to talking about rock and metal bands, especially the classics. And I was shocked to see that Hanji was kind of clueless.

"I'm telling you I've only heard like three of their songs on the radio and I'm not impressed," Hanji shrugged, obviously trying to avoid me grabbing her latte and dumping it onto her head.

"Hanji, ACDC are like- Gods. Where the fuck have you been. Okay, fine, ACDC isn't your road. What about Metallica? Poison? Def Leopard? Any actual decent music?" I asked, hoping for some kind of magical break through. Her lips were pursed in tight thought, taking her brain for whatever songs she may have heard.

"I don't..."

"Hanji! I'm disappointed in you. This calls for an emergency intervention, I'm calling Erwin and we're teaching you what good music is," I said, instantly snatching out my phone as she started to whine and plead with me, saying she'd listen to them as soon as she got home that night.

To which I gave her a skeptical glance, but granted her the benefit of the doubt and shoved my phone back in my pocket since we were almost back to my house anyways.

"Hey! Did you hear about Eren Jaeger?"

I immediately snorted at Hanji's comment, rolling my eyes. Why on fucking Earth did I care about the most popular person at college. Fun fact, I didn't. I knew him as a stuck up brat and I couldn't care less about his personal life or social life for that matter. I didn't care about being popular, he could screw the fuck off and stay away from me.

"What?" I asked anyways, knowing that Hanji would dance around like a puppy that had to pee until I graced her with an answer.

"Apparently that chick he was going out with dumped him, so now instead off going to that social thing he's going to Knoebles with some friends this Saturday."

My eyes immediately narrowed and my lips pursed into a look of loathing at what Hanji had just told me. "Those brats better stay the fuck away from my amusement park or I will cut out their innards and feed them to wild dogs."

"Hey, take a deep breath! Maybe they're friendly!" Hanji said, holding up her hands in defeat as we paused outside my front door.

"I highly doubt that Hanji, now you go listen to actual good music. I'll be quizzing you tomorrow morning-"

She instantly groaned at my comment, but I shot her a glare that instantly shut her up and made her hang her head slightly as she muttered somewhat incoherently, "okay, okay, fine. I'll listen while I do my homework."

Satisfied with what I had accomplished, I patted Hanji on the back, insulted her (playfully) for good luck, and slipped inside of my house.

You see, obviously my house wasn't anything too special, it was a two story gray Victorian that must have been the runt of the litter in its time. And though the outside was old as hell, I had taken to completely refurbishing the inside to fit my style more. Aka, it was cool now. Or what people like Hanji, Erwin, and I considered cool.

As soon as the door shut with a clock behind me, I realized once more that I was alone. Trust me, I liked to be alone, it was more comforting to be by myself and let whatever music I had playing overwhelm me. But there were times, like whenever I got home, that I wished that this house weren't so empty. That there would be a bustle in the kitchen, a clang of pots and pans, that there would be a faint snoring three rooms down the upstairs hallway, that someone would put the TV on just to yell at the infomercials like I did.

But there wasn't anyone like that, not someone I wanted like that. Call me some sort of hopeless romantic, but id be damned if I wasn't the only one who wanted to fall in love so hopelessly that even fifty years from now the sight of them would still send my heart a flutter.

But mostly, I didn't want to feel so alone anymore.

With the most disappointed sigh, I turned on the TV and slowly drug out my homework, I was actually a good student if you could believe it. It just took my brain a little prodding to do my homework. Luckily, the music TV station that only played classic rock and hair metal was actually working today. So I turned it on just in time to hear 'Sweet Child o' Mine,' and begrudgingly started doodling and writing down all my homework.

••••••••••

Okay whoever the fuck thought college teachers could give weekend homework needed to be shot in the groin with a machine gun. Because honestly? I wasn't feeling the whole "I want your graphic organizer for your midterm paper type thing done by Monday on which classic artist you think is the most influential."

"Oh Levi what ever are you going to do?" Hanji cackled as she snatched the paper from my hands to read the directions over. I rolled my eyes, snorting as I kicked her.

"You and Erwin are going to help me bullshit the first half of it tonight, tomorrow I'm going to the amusement park to make sure those spoiled brats don't fuck up my park, and then Sunday night I'm bullshitting the other half. Simple." I explained flippantly, my half assed attempts usually got me a decent grade so I was sure I wouldn't flunk the class for one bad graphic organizer. Id just have to pick up the pace a bit when I actually wrote the paper.

"Yeah okay whatever genius, but who are you writing your paper on?" Hanji bounced. One would think that it was her paper and not mine from the interest and excitement she was taking into it.

"Vincent Van Gough, why?"

"Oh come on Levi! Be more creative! He's not creative, soooo many people are going to pick him because he painted Starry Night."

I sent a glare Hanji's way, especially because she knew that I admired Van Gough, plus my knowledge of him already was really going to help me out here.

"Dude killed himself he was so sad, he never thought he'd leave an impact, never thought he'd be important. I can relate," I said with another shrug, my words instantly shut up the Queen of Chatter.

If the night was this silent, I was going to have a problem working on my homework.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah this has been out for such a small amount of time and already so many people have read it! 
> 
> I'll soon be starting a soundtrack of music that have inspired this so look out for that. 
> 
> And also my Instagram is @prince_heichou if you would all like to come find me and ask questions and talk about the fic, I'd be more than happy to chat.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh this one is so much longer than the other chapters but it introduces relationships so I apologize but kind of not?

"Are you absolutely sure this is a good idea Erwin?" I asked for about the fiftieth time in the past six minutes, Erwin merely sighed, shooting me a glare.

"I am absolutely fucking sure. Now just put on the damn converse, they look fine Levi," he responded, flicking his cigarette butt over his shoulder as he slipped on the boots id let him borrow. The boots were actually a mistake purchase. I was hauling ass out of the mall but man I wanted those damn shoes, I'd grabbed what I thought was my size but was actually Erwin's. Lucky bastard.

Still grumbling, I slipped the red high tops on, lacing them up and tying them with a flourish, adjusting my Guns 'n' Roses t-shirt before sliding on my leather jacket, not granting Erwin the pleasure of seeing my arms.

I was always cautious of my arms, never letting anyone see. There were too many scars, too much pain, too much sorrow with no cure or hope. I wanted to cover them with tattoos, but I couldn't get the tattoos with a fresh wound, and I couldn't find it in myself to stop long enough to let them all heal. No matter what there was still a sadness that overwhelmed me. I was only a week clean at this point, I would probably crash down soon. My sadness seemed never ending most days.

"Hey, don't flick your cheap ass cigarettes onto my clean carpet. You're vacuuming that when we get back," I shot, Erwin knowing how much I hated anything being dirty or out of order. Which was odd considering that amusement parks were usually full of both.

"Oh like your Marlboro's are any better," Erwin snorted, snuffing out his cigarette with one of the various ash trays I had spread around my house.

"They are. Camel cigarettes are shit, I would rather die than smoke those," I retorted, patting my jacket pocket to make sure my cigarettes were still actually there along with my lighter.

Content with their safety I kicked Erwin as I passed him by, "Alright I can feel Hanji bouncing with excitement, I got all of my tickets so let's go."

It took a total of half an hour to gather Hanji and get to the park. This was supposed to be an all day trip so I told everyone I wasn't sharing my tickets and that they had to bring their own damn money. Thankfully, to which they gladly agreed.

So the three of us so called "odd" pierced, tattooed, and leather clad people made our way around the amusement park.

All in all it was a good day, much better than when I usually went alone. Hanji had almost puked on four rides, we'd had so much unhealthy food that it would take no time for us to gain five hundred pounds, and Hanji had Erwin fifty bucks that he wouldn't dip and make out with me in the middle of a crowded food place. Of course he readily agreed and without my consent or any warning, he swooped me down into what was probably one of the god damn hottest kisses I had ever fucking had. Of course it was all fun in games and meant nothing. Didn't mean I didn't enjoy it any less.

And all day we kept our eyes peeled for Eren Jaeger and his crew, it was a small park so seeing them honestly wouldn't surprise me in the slightest way. We all thought we'd caught a glimpse of Armin getting drinks. And Erwin thought he'd seen Jean and Marco playing in the arcade. None of is were sure though, it could have been misidentification. After all, during these "sightings" (honestly it sounded more like we were hunting UFOs rather than a group of college students) we were goofing off and shoving each other around. It wouldn't be that surprising if we'd have mistaken a cardboard cutout of Marilyn Monroe for Armin.

We hadn't been absolutely positive that they were there until we were getting ready to leave the park and Erwin and myself had decided on a last minute Ferris Wheel ride.

There were a few people ahead of us, and it was customary for the wheel to take everyone around five times, if not more when the park was getting emptier, like now. We'd been leaning against the bars, chatting when the rowdy group had decided to grace us with their obnoxious presence. They didn't notice us standing in line until someone shoved Marco Bodt into my backside, to which I shot them all a meaningful glare before turning back around.

I'd never actually really seen Eren Jaeger before, but Hanji had and that's how we'd been looking for him. So when I scanned the group from the corner of my eyes, I was surprised to see the kid that had slammed into me on Monday and had tried to get my attention. With a brief moment of shock, I realized that the boy was Eren Jaeger. Fucking awesome.

I watched as Jean elbowed Eren in the side and whispered something that looked taunting in his ear before shooting a glance at me. Probably gossiping about me, let them, like I cared what they thought.

"Gentlemen?" I glanced over to see the kindly old man who was the usual wheel runner gesturing at a cart for me and Erwin. Shooting a brief smile, I strode without a second glance to the cart. I heard a brief commotion behind me, some sort of tumble before climbs footsteps followed behind me. I imagined that Erwin had tripped over the slight rise onto the platform, and didn't bother to look until the cart was closed and we were moving.

"Can you believe them Erwin- wait, what the fuck."

Mid-sentence I had glanced over to who I had presumed to be Erwin, and instead saw Eren fucking Jaeger sitting across from me looking like a terrified puppy.

Leaning forward, I looked over the cart to see Erwin glaring up at me from the ground. My movement sent the cart rocking violently to which Eren immediately panicked.

"Stop! You'll tip the cart!"

Stupid, he'd obviously never been on this Ferris wheel before. "Idiot, it has lock guards. It stops if I tip too far. I'm not going to make us plunge to our death."

He stared at me with a shocked expression, obviously curious about how I knew such a thing. "I like your jacket and shoes. Um... And your... Shirt."

I raised my brow at him curiously, "So you do have a sense of fashion," I retorted, eyeing his beat up vans and Maroon 5 shirt, "your shirt isn't half bad either."

He stuttered out a thanks and I snorted heavily. "Did it hurt?"

The words immediately had me bristling, he sounded so serious and I quickly glanced at my arms. No, he couldn't see anything, he didn't know my secret. He didn't see. So what the fuck was he talking about?

"When you fell from heaven?"

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

I only realized that I had started laughing when I head wheezing and realized I couldn't breathe and tears were forming in the corner of my eyes. "Y-you're fucking kidding me? Oh kid that's great. My fuck, yeah no. Don't hit on me, I'm not a slutty college girl you can get with one of the corniest pick up lines in existence. And I'm not an angel kid, I'm more like a Lucifer type, fallen angel. Sexy, not beautiful."

"Oh come on!" He was on the defense before the last word had even left my mouth. "Come on just let me take you out for coffee sometime."

"Nope, no fucking way, brat. You want in my pants and that's it. You're a stuck up rich kid and there is no way I'm even going to associate with you ever again after this." We were on our second very slow turn of the wheel.

"Please? Levi come on just coffee?" I sighed and I could tell he was adamant about this.

"I'll make you a deal. You said you liked my shirt? Name at least five Guns 'n' Roses songs off top of your head, and name the band members and I'll go out for coffee with you."

The brat named twenty and all of the band members in order according their age.

I held up my hands in defeat and gave a heavy sigh, "Fine, fuck you, I'll go out for coffee. One. Fucking one."

We were on our fourth turn at the very top when we creaked to a top. And by creaked I mean jolted, like Eren almost flew. I knew we hadn't just stopped and that one of the gears had jammed, which happened all the time, so I wasn't panicked. Matinence guy was still here anyways, he'd have it fixed in five minutes flat. Of course Eren didn't know this, so I was greeted with the pleasure of watching him freak the fuck out for about two minutes before I explained. I considered it payback for making me have coffee with him.

I had reclined back against the seat, arms spread out, a lit cigarette dangling from my lips. I had enough time for a quick light, and Eren wasn't complaining so hey, why not? I kept glancing at Eren, the way he was glancing at me with this sort of... Adoration, this excitement that I couldn't possibly understand. I decided that he deserved to know about me. Maybe I could scare him off, then no date for me.

"I come here, to this amusement park, so I can feel like I'm flying. God, I love the feeling of flying. It makes me feel so free. That's all I want really, is freedom. From life. Sometimes I've thought about jumping, from this very spot, letting the wind rush by me, then I would really be free. Of course I never did it, flying's for birds, and I don't have my wings."

I could feel Eren's eyes trained intensely on me, his lips parted in shock as he gazed at me. Slowly, I snuffed out my cigarette with one more long draw before shrugging out of my leather jacket.

"I don't normally show these on the first date, but honestly. Kid, I know your intentions. And you need to know what the fuck you're getting into right now."

My gaze flickered to him and I could hear the breath leave his lungs.

"My parents died when I was seventeen, but they were rich as all fucking hell and that's how I survive. Their accountant gives me an allowance and the rest of the money is divided for my basic needs and bills, god they're still getting paid for their jobs. I'm an art major. I love creating things, I want to sell my paintings professionally and be a tattoo artist on the side. But Eren? I'm fucked up. I'm sad. I'm lonely. I hate every god damn thing about myself. My sadness I so fucking deep that I hear voices, that I'm tormented by my own mind. Every day is a battle not to just cut too deep, to take one too many pills, to pull a trigger. I fight not to do that every day. And when I just can't take it, when my distractions run out, I press a blade to my skin. No one knows, not Erwin, not Hanji, they don't realize how sad I am. They think I'm normal. They think I'm okay. But I'm not Eren. I'm barely surviving. If you still want that coffee now that you've seen all this... Well, I'll be damned Eren Jaeger, because you would most certainly be the first."

I had stunned him, I could see it in his eyes as he stared at me, his mouth slightly agape. We were still stuck at the top. Honestly I felt like throwing up because I'd just confessed everything to some stuck up college brat that I'd just met.

And I watched in a shocked silence as Eren moved to sit beside me, his warm hands slowly enveloping one of my cold ones as he caught my gaze. God, his eyes were stunning. I would be damned if I couldn't look into them all day long and never get bored.

"Levi... You don't have to be lonely anymore. And yeah, I want that coffee more than ever now."

His words had tears stinging my eyes. Lonely was all I knew, lonely was what I didn't want to be, and he had his promised to take it all away. He had promised to make me feel okay. I didn't want him to see me cry, so I merely smirked and launched my body forward, my lips pressing feverishly against Eren's. His lips instantly melding into mine like they were meant to be together.

I was still kissing him, starting to run out of air as the wheel creaked and started to move again. I pulled back, smiling at him slightly as I yanked a pen from my pocket and scribbled my number onto the back of his hand.

"We're almost to the bottom, act cool."

As soon as we stopped, we were met with countless apologies as I slowly emerged from the cart, an idea crossing my mind as I tuned at the last second to grab Eren's hand. The blush that instantly flamed across his cheeks was so worth it. As was the shocked look of his friends and mine. Minus Erwin who walked up and punched Eren's arm playfully.

"Oh, and brat?" I asked, squeezing his hand as I slowly interlaced our fingers together. Here we were, near total strangers. But Eren knew all of my secrets, we'd just kissed on the top of a Ferris wheel, and he was blushing because I was holding his hand.

"I'm not a hopeless romantic, okay?"

 

I was so a hopeless romantic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dorK BABIES.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's really from the heart for me. Granted I kind of rushed it, but I have thought some of these things. I hope you all like it, let me know what you think <3

I'd given Eren my number and had told him that if he didn't text me that I was going to beat his ass. He looked deathly afraid, like I was going to actually kick his ass, and I suppose that's why ten minutes later I got a text.

_So that coffee? How about tomorrow at that coffee shop right off campus at around three?_

_-Eren_

I gazed at the message with blank amusement for a few moments as I read it over, he was so adamant about a stupid coffee after id just kissed him on top of the Ferris wheel. Whatever, I'd make him pay though.

_Yeah grand, whatever. But if you're texting me just for coffee details then I'm dumping hot coffee on your head._

 I didn't sign my name like he did, I found that slightly idiotic and useless.

' _Im not!'_

_'Then talk to me, brat.'_

_'Uhm... I like your shoes.'_

_'You're not even looking at me right now you fucking idiot.'_

_'Fine, you kiss like... I don't know... It was amazing, it felt different. I mean, I've obviously kissed people before. But you felt different, it was amazing, good, fantastic. But it felt... Pure? Yeah, pure. Like it wouldn't end up fake or in some sort of heartbreak. Especially after you told me all that stuff. I really don't want you to be alone anymore Levi.'_

As I read the message, I felt a small smile creeping over my lips as I slid my fingers across the screen, wishing that it was his hand and I could take it again. Text messages weren't supposed to make me feel so hopelessly... Falling. They weren't supposed to make me feel like I was falling in love. But damn him. That's what I felt.

Small bubble noises alerted me to a continuation of his message: ' _How's that for talking?'_

My reply was quick: ' _Absolutely fucking perfect, Eren Jaeger. Absolutely fucking perfect.'_

•••••••••

Eren hadn't stopped texting me, hell he'd even called me during one of my smoke breaks after I told him that's what I was doing. He called, had said, and I quote "Hey Levi. You're not alone, I'm here with you. Don't you dare ever think you're alone," and then hung up. He'd left me so speechless that even if he hadn't hung up I wouldn't have been able to speak.

Even as I made my way to the coffee shop, he continued to text me like a stalker. Not that I minded it, it was actually rather adorable to see that in the span of a night full of sleepy and heartfelt texts he felt as attached to me as I did to him. But it was so fucking cold outside that if my nose fell off I wouldn't have been surprised in the slightest.

And so I was grateful to crash into the warmth of the shop with a frantic ring and a few curious looks. One of them being a pair of absolutely stunning teal eyes that gazed at me with absurd excitement and even a hint of faint adoration.

I made my way over to him, the heels of my boots thudding dully against the floor, my face a mask of pure boredom and "fuck off" as Hanji liked to put it. As I neared the chair, I slowly started to slide my coat off, putting it on the back of the chair, able to feel Eren's gaze burning into me the whole time, my heart thudding dangerously.

The second I sat down, a coffee was being pushed towards me. Taking a slow sip, gazing at Eren with a raised eyebrow, I was shocked to realize it was exactly what I had jokingly told him how I took my coffee last night. Black. Brat had actually fucking remembered this useless fact.

"If you're trying to pass some sort of test you're still failing because you haven't pinned me over the table and fucked me yet so you're screwed," I said mockingly, though my voice probably did not convey this judging by his shocked expression.

"I- um..." Oh god his face was so red, it was like candy apple red and I couldn't help but snort a little bit at how innocent he was.

Innocent... he was innocent. And I wasn't, he was that part of the population I hated because of that innocence. He was clueless, blissfully unaware of how the world actually worked, of the sadness that lingered just beneath his candy coated surface. I was part of that magical underneath, we were two separate worlds crashing into each other. We were melding together without caution or hesitation, we were just going at it like rams butting heads. He was slowly seeping into the cracks of my world.

How could he actually care about me? The sheer impossibility of it smacked me square in the face. And Eren could sense my change in mood like he'd known me his whole life.

"Levi? What's wrong?"

I could only stare at him, succumbed to my own thoughts as I dug my nails into the skin of my wrist, desperate for some sort of grip to reality. Desperate not to slip away, not in public, not like I did at home. He didn't care at me, it was a bet wasn't it? That's why Jean had elbowed him, there was some money, a car, hell even a fucking yacht involved in this damn bet. He was acting, faking it like I did every day of my life.

"Levi, please, talk to me."

I startled, feeling warm hands close around mine, Eren could see what I was doing, I'd told him too much, he knew what I was doing, and he was pulling my fingernails away, stopping me before I could bleed and see that crimson trail I desired like a whore desired sex. My breath rattled faintly in my throat as he moved so that he was sitting next to me, and suddenly we weren't in a café anymore. It was just him and me ass he folded his knee up so that he was facing me, still gently gripping my hands.

"Do you really care about me?" I whispered softly, "After everything I told, after only a night. It seems so fucking stupid Eren, like this shouldn't be happening, not for someone like me. Is this a game? Are you lying? Were those texts lies?"

He stared at me in dumbfounded silence, which I wasn't sure if that was good, or completely awful. But then he pulled my hand towards his mouth, but instead of kissing my hand, he gently slid my sleeve up just enough that he could place a kiss along the edge of one of my scars, making my breath hitch.

"It wasn't a lie, none of it. I do... God it does seem crazy, but I do care about you. After this short little time but I know you, and you know me. And I care. And I don't want you to be alone, I want to be with you."

With a stunned silence, and realizing that I was starting to cry, I noticed that we couldn't stay in the middle of this cafe if I was going to break down. So instead I just whispered, "Please don't leave me."

"Not in your wildest dreams."

••••••••••

I had drug Eren to my house, tears leaking from my eyes as I sniffled. I had done this before, stormed to my house in the middle of a breakdown, the only difference was Eren. He was there, and I wasn't alone. I could feel his arm that wrapped around me and pulled me close, making sure I stayed on the sideway until we made it to my house successfully. All the while whispering words of encouragement into my ear and pressing gentle kisses to the side of my face. Making sure I knew that I wasn't alone, god I knew I wasn't.

Finally. As soon as my shaky hands had unlocked the door, Eren was pushing me inside and slamming the door shut. Despite never being in my house before, he managed to march me right to the couch and push me onto it before flopping down next to me.

"Jesus Christ, fuck you Eren Jaeger," I whispered, sniffling as I wiped at my eyes, gazing at him, "Fuck you for making me feel these things in just a day,"

Without any words, he gently caressed my face with both of his hands, pulling me closer and pressing his lips to mine. It wasn't rushed or needy, it wasn't hot. It was soft, caring, gentle. It was exactly what I needed. "Touché," he whispered as he pulled away, sliding his thumb across my cheekbones slowly.

"Either I sob or kiss you, I'm going with the latter," I whispered, not hesitating to press my lips back against his, ripping my mind away from anything and everything that was not Eren Jaeger, the things he made me feel, and the words he said to me. They were like magic, they worked at my soul, like they were trying to mend me.

I was stitched entirely together out of good intentions.

But Eren was like a drug, just one taste, one sample, and you were hooked. From then on you couldn't stop, and you wanted more, you craved more, and you wouldn't stop until you got your next fix.

Some drugs though, were like that same magic. And if they were really good, that healing and stitching was permanent.

I prayed that he was permanent.

We kissed until I couldn't breath, and then we'd only pull back long enough to gasp for air until diving back in. We kissed until my lips were numb and our hands had explored every available inch of skin that was present. We kissed until the pain wasn't so bad. Right now his drug was like morphine, numbing the pain until I could come to terms with its presence.

"Levi?"

I gazed up at Eren, completely wrapped up in my temporary fix, his arms wrapped around me, my legs settled in his lap, feet dangling off the couch next to his knees, my head pressed against his shoulder. It probably didn't look to comfortable, but it sure felt damn good.

"Yeah?"

"Can I... See your scars again?" He sounded so hesitant, so frightened to make the wrong move and send me off again, but I merely shrugged. He'd seen them once, he knew. He would probably see them again.

"Sure," I muttered, moving just enough to slide my sleeves up accordingly before leaning back against him again.

Eren watched me as I moved, merely staring at my arms for a moment before sliding one of his arms to take my wrist, his fingers gently sliding up the unorganized mass of scar tissue, the maze of my sorrows. I watched him with hazy eyes as he gently touched one of my newer marks, just a week old, and I had been picking at the scab so it was still fresh and an angry shade of red. He frowned at it for moment before utterly shocking me by lifting it and pressing a slow and gentle kiss against the skin.

"Why did you make this mark? Specifically, what was the specific reason?"

I stared at him stupidly for a few moments before slowly responding, "Because someone called me a worthless human being, and the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was true."

"Every time you want to hurt yourself, every time you're sad, I want you to call me. I want you to find me, tell me, tell me why you're sad and why you want to hurt yourself. Let me make you feel not so alone in this world Levi."

I felt my heart hammering in my chest as he lifted my arm again, slowly and methodically pressing almost... Loving kisses to each scar that his lips found. I pressed my lips together, tear perking my eyes. Not because I was sad this time, but because someone actually cared. Because maybe for once I didn't feel so alone.

"You're mine Levi, and I'm not going to let you be alone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw see happy ending? 
> 
> Again my Instagram is @prince_heichou if you'd like to reach me there. And my email is bkemp1999@gmail.com if you have questions.


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